Tapping into the benevolent zeitgeist of the holiday season, I’m gonna make this post all about the gift that keeps on giving. No, it’s not that strange blister on your friend’s lip (they swear it’s just a cold sore, but you know better); we’re talking about constructive criticism, and how to give/receive it.

When we perform in front of an audience, the members of that audience will view it favorably or poorly based on their personal biases and how well we executed the act. However, unless you’re performing in front of a professional critic or Twitch, you likely won’t hear the audience’s feedback. How does this tie into tabletop roleplaying games? Well, when we roleplay, the other players at the table are our audience, and we become the audience for the other players when they “become their character.” These performances also generate positive and negative critiques.

Tabletop games are a remarkably unique space where we trust each other to put aside our social personas and take on new identities for some reason or another. The performances we give while using these identities, therefore, must be treated with a high level of respect and sensitivity. Saying “Your character’s morals are awful and he/she really shouldn’t be with this party” is a surefire way to send someone home with a broken friendship. Note: If you’re trying to soliloquy the sins and virtues of Dickfart the Baby Puncher, you volunteered for endless mockery.

So, here’s my advice for how to navigate these uncertain waters:

Use “I” Statements

If this is new territory for you, here’s the Cliff Notes version: always start a critique, no matter if it’s positive or negative, with “I feel…” “I think…” or “I believe…” Doing this accomplishes two major things: first, it frames your next words as a personal opinion and not as a fact, and second, it clarifies to the recipient the critique is coming from only one person. While this may seem inconsequential, let’s unpack exactly why this is so helpful in getting your actual message across.

When receiving feedback, especially of a critical nature, we subconsciously put ourselves on the defensive in order to preserve our status quo.

If I say, “Your character motives are a mess, your voice for the character is impossible to understand, and you clearly didn’t plan this character out,” that sounds like I’m trying to nuke you with Truth Bombs.

If instead I say, “I think Dickfart’s motives are confusing, I’m having a hard time understanding his accent, and I feel like Dickfart needs more fine-tuning,” it more accurately represents the situation as a miscommunication between two people.

This accurate representation is also why you need to avoid making the feedback sound like it’s coming from multiple sources. If we think back to earlier when talking about how we try to maintain the status quo, nothing disrupts it more than feeling like the entire group has turned against you. And you can almost guarantee any constructive feedback you had will get lost in the crossfire.

Saying “we feel like your character is putting the group in terrible situations” accomplishes nothing but pain, confusion, and rash decisions. However, if you say, “I feel like Dickfart continuously works at odds with the rest of the group, and I think it’s starting to become a major issue,” you’re expressing the feedback as a single problem with a manageable solution.

When in doubt, just remember: you can only know what you think, feel, and believe.

Be Clear, Be Specific, and Provide Examples

This section is pretty straightforward, but absolutely critical to the feedback (both good and constructive) process. People don’t do well with ambiguity of any kind, as we fill the empty holes in a story or statement with our own narrative to make sense of it. It’s why the ending of Soprano’s is simultaneously brilliant and a complete ball-buster. To avoid any misinterpretation of your feedback, use the CSE method.

For example, “You do an excellent job at expressing your characters in the moment; I think the parlor scene with Dickfart’s ex-convict father helped me truly understand the way Dickfart’s dark past made him the man he is today. The way you yelled and cried on command (I…hope) really made me feel like I, too, had been left by the railroad tracks as a child.” This feedback clearly tells us what we’re analyzing, specifically how it made us feel, and provides an example from the situation so the player can continue to build on it.

Unfortunately, we typically hear, “Man, you wasted like 45 minutes with that awful moment in the parlor.” This tells us nothing and once again makes it sound like a personal attack.

If you forget everything else about this tip, then at least remember to provide examples of your point. It’s amazing what people can do when they have a frame of reference to work in.

Be Kind, Don’t Get Personal

This is my last word to the wise on this topic for today. No matter how else you go about providing feedback, always remember to do so with the intent of making your fellow players better.

As I mentioned at the start of this post, the act of roleplaying puts us in strange new positions, and that can make us super vulnerable. Always ensure your feedback is coming from a place of good will, and never let it become an attack on the player directly. Just because you think Billy may need to portray the nuances of his character Dickfart better, that does not mean Billy is an asshole who loves to punch babies.

Feedback is Key for GMs and Players Alike

While we’ve explored some great ideas for how to deliver constructive feedback, let’s wrap up with a brief talk on who needs this feedback.

Spoiler Alert: We all do

Whether you’re a veteran roleplayer of 15+ years, cracking open a rulebook for the first time, or somewhere in-between, we can all benefit from honest, thoughtful feedback. And this isn’t just vital for players; GMs need feedback too!

While the GM is primarily responsible for adjudicating play rules and building the primary narrative for the game, they’re by no means infallible. I’ve had my own experiences where it took some great, honest talks with my players to realize I needed to spice up our campaign and clarify some plot hooks. If my players didn’t trust me or care enough to provide their input, that campaign would have crashed into the ground. Thankfully, after reflecting on their words old wisdom, we made it through the slog and wrapped up naturally about four months later.

Use your “I” statements, provide clear and specific examples, and always be kind when you provide feedback.

If you have any additional thoughts on this topic, drop a comment below and feel free to share this post with your friends!

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